I have to tell you something.

“You guys, I have to tell you something. No one else is getting it right either. Evidence to the contrary is not evidence, it is illusion and a lie of comparison. I just thought I should remind you because it’s Tuesday and I’m here to serve. Also, if you already screwed up something today, which we all have, oh well. Carry on now, while paying more attention to the good you always try to do.”

I wrote that on Facebook six years ago, also on a Tuesday. It came up in my Facebook memories thingy today. Before I saw that memory, I had been thinking about the same thing all day, how weird. I was thinking about how I see all of this striving to change and present ourselves better after the change. To keep working and working trying to attain some sort of perfection or make sure to appear wiser and stronger as we go. We think we get past this striving, but it’s still there.

Forgive me, but…you are such a big mess, and you better believe I am, too.

This is the one and only good way to be, I promise. What other kinds of humans are there, anyway? We are complicated and tired, with indigestion and arthritis and selfishness while also selflessness. We aren’t even sure if we know ourselves but we try. We yell at our kids and sometimes the dog and we get impatient in lines. We smile and catch the eye of the stranger on the street and we weep over our losses. We are so damn resilient and we all know it, if we can remember that we can do anything for ten more seconds. We read books or watch movies and we walk outside and notice something beautiful. We get frostbite if we stay out too long when it’s extra cold. Our skin is so fragile. I mean those layers that peel after sunburn, c’mon, they’re just wisps. We are like onions like that and also with our emotions. How can all of what a human being becomes and does be anything other than messy?

So be the mess and be okay with it. No really. It’s okay. You won’t grow out of it. You won’t read enough or listen to enough podcasts to change it. You won’t pray or meditate it away. It’s okay, being a mess is not going away.

Yes, we can grow wiser, and we know a thing or eight and it’s good to keep trying. But while you’re doing that, quickly or slowly or however you go, you can’t beat yourself up. And isn’t that all that beating ourselves up is? A cruel attempt to make the mess go away?

You can’t do anything that will make you less human. You are just going to have to be a mess and so am I. What a relief.